i think my mom watched the whole time
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
