help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
