i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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