So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
