he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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