oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
