There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
