All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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