Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
