tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
