One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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