Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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