I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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