I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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