happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
