best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I didn't notice because vodka
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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