I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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