I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
