She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
