I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
