So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
