this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
