can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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