No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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