I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
