just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
