My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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