literally had 100 drinks last night.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
