I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
