I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
