What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
