I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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