I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
