So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
