Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
