it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
