yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
