My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
