I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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