So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
