all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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