Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
