On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
