you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
