you have to choose: penises or morals?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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