I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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