dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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