i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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