I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
