So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
