i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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