I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
