you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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