she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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