the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
