Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
MIDGETS
????
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
